Botan's Birthday Bash
by Ravens Destiny
Summary: Dead fic Botan's having a birthday, and everyone's invited! Including the authors... Self insert warning!
1. I NEVER!

Botan's Birthday Bash!  
  
A/N: This fanfic was my desperate attempt to retain my sanity while staying the weekend at my grandmother's house. Surprisingly, it worked. That, and my last-minute computer print-outs of Kurama. Just makes me wonder why it can't help me sleep, as well... This whole thing is actually Leo Cole's fault, and the fault of whatever bug-brained person who thought up the game "I never" and all those other creepy party-games. For the record, I am a hopeless purist (in some respects) and therefore, this game is clearly non- alcoholic. Then again, caffeine is just as bad sometimes... So, without further ado...  
  
OH! WAIT!!! DISCLAIMER FIRST!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters mentioned in this fanfic. Heck, I don't even own the computer I'm writing this on! But I would like it if I owned a Hiei-bat... they're so cute and evil- looking... I could keep it in my closet or let it fly around the living room and scare my mother half to death...  
  
Botan's Birthday Bash! Chapter One: I NEVER!  
  
"All right, Botan, NOW will you tell us why we all had to come out here for your birthday? I get the feeling this wasn't just some sort of nature hike," Yusuke scowled. The rest of the group made sounds of agreement as they flopped down on the forest floor.  
  
"Yeah, and why'd we have to drag all this soda out here?" Kuwabara complained, opening his backpack and setting can after can of purely carbonated sugar on a nearby stump.  
  
"Well?" Hiei asked, sitting separate from the group and, as usual, glowering as though wondering if he shouldn't just kill them all.  
  
Botan began to nervously twiddle her fingers, suddenly wondering if her idea had been as good as she'd first thought. "Eh...heh-heh, well... I just thought this would give us a chance to spend some quality time together without distractions like TV and video games and... eh-heh-heh- heh... well..."  
  
"For pity's sake..." Kurama muttered.  
  
"It's a game called 'I Never'," Keiko explained, once it was clear Botan wouldn't recover from her nervous giggles any time soon. "We each take a can of soda, and one by one say something we've never done. If anybody else has done what we just said, they take a drink. We keep going either until we run out of ideas, run out of soda, or in this case, someone tries to kill someone else."  
  
Everyone shot secret glances at Hiei, who grinned slightly, evilly.  
  
"Anyone not want to do this?" Keiko continued.  
  
"Whatever," Yusuke muttered.  
  
"It's dumb, but let's do it," Kuwabara said.  
  
Kurama shrugged. "I'm game."  
  
Everyone turned to Hiei.  
  
"Hiei?" Keiko asked hesitantly.  
  
No reply.  
  
"Hiei?" she asked again.  
  
Instead of answering, Hiei reached out and opened a can. There was a collective sigh from the group.  
  
"Yusuke, how 'bout you start?" Keiko grinned.  
  
Yusuke paused as everyone opened a can. "I've never worried about my looks," he said after a moment.  
  
Keiko, Botan, Kuwabara and Kurama each took a drink. Hiei gave a snorting laugh.  
  
"I'll go next," announced Botan. "Um... I've never killed anyone. And bugs don't count," she added.  
  
Yusuke, Kurama, and Kuwabara drank. Hiei drained his can, opened another, drained that one, and half-finished a third.  
  
"This is actually rather entertaining," the three-eyed demon commented.  
  
"You next, Kuwabara," Keiko prodded.  
  
"Oh...right. Uh..." Kuwabara turned his eyes heaven-ward in deep concentration.  
  
"Here's one for you," Hiei suggested flippantly, "I've never had an intelligent moment in my life."  
  
"Hey!" Kuwabara yelled, nearly knocking over his soda. Yusuke and Kurama had to keep him from doing something very stupid, not to mention nearly ending the game.  
  
Once Kuwabara had cooled down a bit...  
  
"Okay, uh... oh! I've never eaten dirt. There!" he beamed proudly, out of sheer idiocy.  
  
Yusuke glanced back and forth, then took a quick sip. A few people in the group gaped. Hiei sniggered.  
  
"I was five!" Yusuke insisted, "Besides, it was Kuwabara here who shoved it in my face!"  
  
Kuwabara grinned at the apparent memory of it.  
  
"I'll go next," Hiei interrupted. The whole group quieted. "I've never dressed so modestly it's driven people mad." He sent a meaningful look in Kurama's direction.  
  
"Guilty as charged," the redhead sighed, taking a long drink.  
  
Yusuke smirked. "It was quite a shock when we found out you actually have ankles."  
  
Kurama's eyes widened and he nearly choked.  
  
"And I hear he has wrists and shoulders, too!" Kuwabara added.  
  
"Now whoever could have told you that?" Hiei chuckled.  
  
Kurama's eyes narrowed. "Two can play at this game, Hiei. At least I've never chewed anyone out because of my Napoleon complex."  
  
This time it was Hiei who had to be held back from nearly ending the game.  
  
"Come on, Hiei, be fair," the girls chided.  
  
Grudgingly, Hiei drained the remaining half of his can and reached for another.  
  
"All right, hm..." Keiko muttered thoughtfully. "I've never died. True enough," she reasoned.  
  
Yusuke took an honest drink, while Kurama stared at his can, obviously at odds with himself. He finally took a half-sip of compromise.  
  
"My turn, then," Yusuke muttered. "In that case, I've never spilled coffee in someone else's lap."  
  
Botan took a quick sip. After a pause for thought, she said, "All right... I've never been kissed by someone other than a family member."  
  
Yusuke, Hiei, Kurama, and Keiko each took a drink. Botan got her classic "gossip" look.  
  
"For the record, Botan," Hiei informed her calmly, "Demons never kiss and tell."  
  
Botan looked disappointed.  
  
Kuwabara swatted a fly away from his soda. "I've never cross-dressed."  
  
Hiei gave Kurama a sharp jab in the ribs.  
  
"That was not cross-dressing!" Kurama insisted.  
  
Hiei shrugged. "Well, then, try this one. I've never gotten my ass kicked because I'm too damn nice."  
  
"That's low, Hiei," Kurama muttered, taking a drink and a half. He then turned to Keiko. "Can we say things we HAVE done?"  
  
"I guess, if you drink for it, too," she replied.  
  
"Good. I've never had an idiotic haircut," Kurama drank in memory of his childhood bowl-cut.  
  
Yusuke and Keiko drank as well. There was a sudden pause.  
  
"What did we say about being fair, Kuwabara?" Botan finally burst.  
  
"What are you talking about; I've had this haircut all my life!" Kuwabara defended. "Hey...are you saying my haircut's stupid?!"  
  
"Just drink," Yusuke said with an exasperated roll of his eyes.  
  
Keiko cleared her throat. "I've never threatened to kill Yusuke." She sipped.  
  
"I think we all can fairly admit to that," Botan said cheerily, lifting her soda-can. "Cheers!"  
  
The whole group minus Yusuke- and Keiko, who had already drank- tilted their cans and gulped.  
  
"Well..." Yusuke said once everyone had finished, "I've never gotten drunk."  
  
"On alcohol?" Kurama questioned abruptly with a sideways glance at Hiei.  
  
"Yeah..." Yusuke replied slowly, not sure if he understood.  
  
Botan, Hiei, Kurama, and Kuwabara tilted, the first and latter rather hesitantly. Kurama had to open another can.  
  
"My turn!" Botan sang. "Now let's see... Oh." She suddenly went into fits of giggles.  
  
"Out with it already," Yusuke snapped.  
  
Botan continued giggling. "I've never... well, ah... tee-hee... you know..." she lifted her eyebrows and broke into giggles again.  
  
"That's sick, Botan!" Kuwabara exploded. "Nobody here'd own up to that! It's way too personal!"  
  
"Oh, we can't be too certain about that..." Hiei muttered with a small grin he thought no one else saw.  
  
Botan was instantly in his face. "Is there something Hiei isn't telling us? Who? When? Out with it!"  
  
Hiei gave her a murderous look. "If I had, I wouldn't be telling a gossip like you, now would I?"  
  
"This stuff is non-caffeinated, isn't it?" Kurama suddenly interrupted.  
  
Kuwabara looked at an empty can. "I don't think so... Why? Hey, is something wrong, Kurama? Your face looks kinda red."  
  
Yusuke gave a short laugh. "Don't tell me Kurama's blushing! Okay, pal, 'fess up."  
  
"I am not blushing, and I have nothing to confess." Kurama informed the ground.  
  
A long moment passed in which Kurama's face didn't become any less red. Hiei, too, seemed to be showing what looked to be a blush.  
  
"You guys sure you're okay?" Keiko asked.  
  
Kurama waved her off. "Keep the game going. I believe it is Kuwabara's turn, correct?"  
  
Kuwabara nodded. "Uh, yeah. Uh... I've never vandalized a public bathroom."  
  
Yusuke drank with a small grin.  
  
"I've never had this much caffeine in one sitting," Hiei stated over the top of his can.  
  
Yusuke, Botan, and Kuwabara drank, all three wondering if Hiei's eyes weren't looking a bit more glazed than usual.  
  
"I've never kicked Puu down a flight of steps," Kurama said after a moment's thought.  
  
"Does it count if we ever wanted to?" Yusuke asked.  
  
Kurama nodded.  
  
Yusuke and Hiei both drank. The girls gasped.  
  
"You kicked Puu down the stairs?!" Botan nearly screamed, shaking Hiei by the shoulder. Hiei fell over onto his back, laughing in a maniacal way that made everyone edge away a few feet. His can lay overturned on the ground next to him.  
  
"Um, okay..." Keiko muttered, sweatdropping. "Ah... I've never run around the house in a shower cap singing 'The Sound of Music'."  
  
Hiei had struggled back up into a sitting position and opened a new can. This he took a swift gulp of. The group gaped.  
  
"I'm sure that has to be a lie," Kurama muttered, shaking his head.  
  
Hiei only continued to chuckle over the top of his can.  
  
"Freak," Yusuke muttered under his breath. He cleared his throat. "I've never played strip-poker."  
  
Hiei and Botan both drank.  
  
"On the subject of less-thought-of games, I've never played shot-glass checkers." Botan announced.  
  
Yusuke, Kurama, and Hiei tilted, but by then the group was getting the impression that Hiei would drink to just about anything at the moment.  
  
"Maybe we should stop..." Botan muttered, casting side-glances at Hiei the whole time.  
  
"But we still have all this soda to get rid of," Kuwabara pointed out. "I don't wanna drag all that back down the hill again!"  
  
"Guys..." Yusuke muttered, pointing, "I don't think that'll be much of a problem..."  
  
"Wanna bet? I could drink you under the table any day!" Hiei shouted, seizing another can and glaring at Kurama.  
  
"You're on," the redhead glared back and they both began to guzzle soda.  
  
There was the collective sound of jaws dropping and eyes popping out.  
  
"Maybe somebody spiked their drinks," Kuwabara muttered in half-awe as the piles of empty cans steadily grew around the two seated at the tree-stump.  
  
"I'd actually have to guess that the demon metabolism wasn't made for that much sugar and caffeine," Botan said, eyes wide. "Oh, what have I done?!"  
  
Kurama, now on his sixteenth or seventeenth can, suddenly coughed, eyes watering. Hiei grabbed the can before it could hit the ground, finished it off, and continued his drinking spree as Kurama keeled over gagging. Keiko rushed over and began pounding Kurama on the back.  
  
"Easy there," she muttered as he continued to cough.  
  
Meanwhile, Hiei was finishing off can number thirty-odd, his face redder than an Irishman's and his eyes watering and bloodshot. "Wimp," he managed between gulps, "never could hold his drink."  
  
"Oh brother," Botan muttered in disgust. "This has got to stop." Lifting a fallen tree branch, she smashed the whole thing over Hiei's head. The limb splintered and Hiei fell sideways, scattering soda cans. A good-sized lump was visible on the back of his head. "That'll teach you to do such a stupid thing on my birthday."  
  
The happy group of Yusuke, Kuwabara, Keiko, and Botan had the cheerful job then of carrying two back-packs worth of empty soda cans, an unconscious Hiei, and an intoxicated Kurama down the hill and back to civilization.  
  
"With luck," Yusuke muttered, "they may even have hangovers for their efforts."  
  
************  
  
A final note from everyone's favorite Kurama-lusting, Yusuke-smashing, Hiei- pouncing, Kuwabara-bashing author...  
  
WHOEVER STOLE MY SANITY PILLS, PLEASE GIVE THEM BACK! You don't have to be a three-eyed midget demon to achieve that watery, blood-shot look to your eyes when you're seriously lacking your daily supplement of sanity...  
  
NOW WHERE THE HECK IS MY KURAMA DOLLY?! How'm I ever gonna get to sleep without my Kurama Dolly?!  
  
Please review; it's late at night and as usual, I'm a very insecure little person... Now I must go find my Kurama Dolly... It's 10:30 pm... how'm I ever gonna sleep NOW?!  
  
Oh, just wait until the people at the Institute for Insane Authors find out I spent my whole weekend getting Kurama and Hiei drunk... I'll have to wake up early and finish my homework...  
  
LEO!!! DID YOU TAKE MY KURAMA DOLLY?! *prowl, prowl* 


	2. Of Demons, Dares, and Decaff

Botan's Birthday Bash!  
  
A/N: Well, Chapter One was supposed to be a one-chapter fic, but it was just too good to leave alone! My sanity pills still have not turned up, and Leo Cole suddenly decided to aid my plight by having me come over for a two-hour Anime eye-candy feast (usually we only get one hour per day). So what can two aspiring teenage authors do after exhausting the Anime library for the day? What else?!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, don't own 'em, BUT I WISH I DID!!!!!  
  
Botan's Birthday Bash! Chapter Two: Of Demons, Dares, and De-caff  
  
"Truth or dare, Kuwabara?"  
  
"I told you, I'm not playing."  
  
Botan pouted. "Why doesn't anyone want to play?"  
  
"I'll play, Botan," Keiko offered.  
  
"Two playing isn't very fun," Botan scowled. "Hiei?"  
  
Hiei glared from his seat on the counter next to the coffee-maker. Resting on the back of his head was a large ice-pack.  
  
Keiko gave Yusuke a Look. "You'll play, won't you, Yusuke?"  
  
"Heck no!" Yusuke leaned back in his chair. "You won't catch me playing a stupid girl's game like that!" He grinned. "I just came for the cake."  
  
Keiko seized a pillow from the couch, quite forgetting that a hung-over Kurama was currently hiding under a pile of blankets and decorator cushions. She sent the pillow sailing toward the dining-room table, and the cake.  
  
"NO!" Yusuke was on his feet instantly, tackling the pillow in mid-air and hitting the linoleum with a thud.  
  
A whimper came from the pile of blankets on the couch as Kurama covered his eyes with one arm. "I was using that pillow to block out these accursed fluorescent lights, you know..." he muttered miserably.  
  
Keiko hefted another pillow, this time from one of the easy chairs. "Either you play, Yusuke, or the cake gets it."  
  
"Not the cake!" Yusuke moved as if to protect Botan's birthday cake.  
  
"Not my pillow!" Botan blurted, snatching the pillow from Keiko. After a moment, the pillow was set over Kurama's face, once again obscuring him from vision.  
  
Keiko positioned herself with a fist over Botan's birthday cake. "What'll it be, Yusuke?"  
  
"Anything but the cake," Yusuke pleaded on hands and knees, "I'll play your stupid game; just don't do anything to the cake!"  
  
"That's better," Keiko said cheerily, patting Yusuke on the head as she walked back into the living room.  
  
"Nicely handled, Keiko," Botan praised.  
  
"Nicely handled, Yusuke," Hiei imitated, and Yusuke glared openly.  
  
"Truth or dare?" Botan sang in Kuwabara's ear.  
  
Kuwabara swatted her away. "Buzz off, I'm almost past this level," he muttered absently as he hammered away at the controls of the Play Station.  
  
Botan frowned and moved to the wall-outlet, wrapping a hand firmly around the Play Station's power cord. "If threats are what it takes to get a guy to play truth or dare, I guess it'll have to do." She began to ease the plug slowly from the socket as Kuwabara watched in horror.  
  
"No, don't! Botan!" he began to hammer more frantically at the controls. "Don't pull the plug! Just let me save and then I'll play! I'll play!"  
  
"Good," Botan pulled the plug as soon as the "Game Saved" screen flashed on the TV.  
  
Keiko tapped the "power" button on the remote and the TV clicked off.  
  
"Really," muttered Hiei, "You two should be ashamed of yourselves, letting the girls bully you around like that." He checked the timer of the coffee- pot. "This certainly is taking a long time."  
  
Botan lifted the corner of one of Kurama's pillows. "You gonna play?"  
  
Kurama retreated further into his nest.  
  
Keiko frowned at Botan. "Leave him alone; can't you see he's not feeling well?"  
  
"You should be thanking your lucky stars he was able to get to the sink before throwing up," Kuwabara added.  
  
Yusuke shook his head. "You'd think the guy would be able to handle a little thing like a hangover. You pit him against some supposedly 'unbeatable' opponent and he's just fine, but let him overdose on soda and he turns into a whimpering little kid again."  
  
Keiko punched Yusuke in the arm. "Be nice."  
  
"When're we gonna get this game started and over with?" Kuwabara asked impatiently.  
  
At that moment, the doorbell rang.  
  
"Now who could that be?" Keiko wondered.  
  
Botan smacked herself in the forehead with the palm of her hand. "I nearly forgot! I asked the authors over, too!"  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara dropped whatever they had been doing and stared aghast at Botan.  
  
"You asked Raven and Leo to your party?!" Yusuke finally burst.  
  
"Well why not?" Botan shot back, heading for the door. "And you'll probably want to clean up that mess you've made of the living room before I let them in."  
  
Yusuke and Kuwabara surveyed the living room in dismay. Popcorn and nacho- chips were scattered across the carpet from when Kurama had knocked into the coffee table in his mad dash to the kitchen sink. Puu was now wandering between the legs of the low table, squeaking and nibbling at kernels of popcorn.  
  
"Don't eat that, Puu, it's bad for you," Yusuke said brusquely, scooping up the little blue creature and setting it on the pillow that was currently substituting for Kurama's head.  
  
"Snap to it, boys!" Botan called, heading for the door.  
  
Kuwabara and Yusuke were instantly dashing about the room, scooping up popcorn and chips and candy-wrappers, straightening picture frames on shelves and walls, and finally flopping over into the easy chairs as the door opened.  
  
"Botan!" double voices called from the doorway.  
  
"Raven! Leo! What took you so long? We were just about to play truth or dare," Botan smiled.  
  
"Well it just so happens that SOMEBODY, not to be mentioning names, of course, took a detour somewhere between Jhoto and Neo-Japan, and we've been driving in circles between Middle-Earth and here for the past hour." The green-eyed blonde glared over her shoulder at her companion, a brunette with half-lens glasses.  
  
The brunette gripped the blonde's braided ponytail and pulled, making the blonde have to bend backwards. "It's not my fault, Raven, that I only just got my inter-world license. You're the one who forgot to bring the map."  
  
"Typical," Yusuke muttered to Kuwabara, "They're not even through the doorway and they're already arguing."  
  
There was the distant chime of a timer somewhere in the kitchen. Raven and Leo looked around.  
  
"Where's Kurama?" Raven asked, just as Leo piped, "Where's Hiei?"  
  
"Kurama's hiding under the blankets and pillows on the couch, and Hiei's in the kitchen waiting for the coffee to... the coffee!" the whole group, plus the authors, charged into the kitchen to find Hiei contentedly drinking the coffee directly from the glass coffee-pot.  
  
"At least it's de-caff..." Kuwabara muttered.  
  
"Ew!" Raven squeaked. "That can't be sanitary!"  
  
"I guess we'll have to brew another pot," Botan sighed.  
  
"Why bother?" Leo asked, seizing the handle of the coffee-pot. Hiei tightened his grip on the glass part.  
  
"Um, Leo? Hello??? Hiei's had his LIPS on that. Leo?! Are you listening to me?" Raven planted her hands on her hips as Leo and Hiei continued with their tug-of-coffee.  
  
"Do you think she knows it's de-caff?" Yusuke muttered.  
  
Leo suddenly let go of the pot. "De-caff? De-caff is icky. Anyone have espresso mix?"  
  
"Good evening to you, too, Leo," Hiei said flatly, taking another sip of coffee.  
  
As the group made their way back into the living room, Raven turned to Botan and asked, "Are Shizuru and Yukina here yet? You said you were inviting them,"  
  
Botan put a finger to her lips. "Shhhh... they're coming; Shizuru has to bring Yukina. They should be here any minute; I can't wait to see Kuwabara's face when those two show up!"  
  
"But you already know how-"  
  
"Yes, yes, but it gets funnier every time!" Botan whispered.  
  
"By the way, Botan," Leo said, "We can't stay long. I have to have Raven back to Eimoria by ten in time to poison her namesake's fiancee, and then her father wants her back in Wisconsin before eleven."  
  
Botan pouted. "Darn. The party will only just be getting started by then. Oh well! I guess we'll just have to cut the cake early!"  
  
The doorbell chimed a second time.  
  
"That would be Yukina and Shizuru!" Botan sang softly, skipping to the door.  
  
"Hey, sorry it took so long," were the first words out of Shizuru's mouth.  
  
Botan waved a flippant hand. "Oh, not at all, you're right on time!"  
  
There was a crash from the kitchen and Kuwabara came running through the living room. "Y-Yukina!"  
  
Yukina turned her innocent smile toward Kuwabara. "Hello, Kazuma. How are you doing?"  
  
"Oh, just fine, just fine," Kuwabara gave a cheesy laugh as if he'd just made a joke. Yukina smiled again.  
  
"Nice to see you're having fun, little brother," Shizuru droned.  
  
Kuwabara gave his sister a look that just barely touched to borders of a glare. "What're you doing here, sis?"  
  
"What do you think; I was invited, too, wasn't I?" Shizuru walked into the living room and seated herself on the floor near the coffee table.  
  
"This is wonderful; now we have enough people to play truth or dare!" Botan announced.  
  
"No," came the firm reply from Shizuru, Leo, and Raven.  
  
"Why NOT?!" Botan whined.  
  
"Because," Shizuru explained, "every time I've known anyone to play truth or dare, someone always ends up snogging in the closet."  
  
"That's right," said Leo, "And fun as that may be, it's gross as heck."  
  
Raven nodded. "It's our job as author and flesh-bone muse to make sure this fic doesn't get out of hand. We plan to return you to your rightful animator in one piece and fully functional, you know."  
  
"Oh come on!" Botan cried, "You think I'd let that sort of thing happen at MY party?!"  
  
"Yes," Leo, Shizuru, and Raven stated simultaneously.  
  
"Um, excuse me..." Yukina began hesitantly, "What's truth or dare?"  
  
"It's kind of hard to explain..." Raven began, but was cut off.  
  
"Nothing good, Yukina. Don't play. Only bad things will come of that game." Shizuru stated in her monotone voice.  
  
"Oh. Okay," Yukina smiled sweetly. "I'll just sit and watch, then." She sat down on the couch next to the odd pile of pillows.  
  
"Yukina, wait... too late," Botan sighed.  
  
"What?" Yukina asked.  
  
"You're sitting on Kurama," Yusuke said.  
  
Yukina's eyes went wide and she pulled the top pillow slowly from the pile, exposing Kurama's face.  
  
"Please get off me," Kurama muttered.  
  
Yukina jumped to her feet. "I'm sorry!"  
  
"It's all right; you didn't know..." Kurama mumbled as he pulled the pillow back over his face.  
  
Yukina frowned with concern. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'm fine," came the muffled reply, "It's only a hangover."  
  
"Is there anything I can do?" Yukina asked.  
  
"Not unless you can set up a road barricade around the couch," said the pile of pillows.  
  
Yukina looked slightly confused. "What about-"  
  
"No, I'm fine. I think I can survive one little hangover. Besides, it was only fifteen cans." And with that, it seemed the Pillow Ghost decided to go back to sleep.  
  
"Puu..." Puu brushed against Yukina's hand. She picked up the little blue creature and scratched the top of its head.  
  
"Are we going to start this or not? I promise, it won't get out of hand," Botan swore.  
  
"Oh, all right," Raven finally said. "I'm sure the readers will forgive me this time."  
  
"All right!" Botan cheered, and commenced herding the whole group minus Shizuru, Hiei, and Kurama, into a circle on the floor.  
  
"I'll go first; I'm the birthday-girl after all," she announced. "Let's see... Truth or dare, Kuwabara?"  
  
"Truth," Kuwabara said.  
  
"Chicken," Leo sang.  
  
"Do you suck your thumb at night?" Botan grinned evilly.  
  
"No, I don't," Kuwabara said after a moment.  
  
"Yes, he does," Shizuru muttered from the corner, "And he wets the bed sometimes, too."  
  
The whole group burst into laughter.  
  
"No fair, you're not even playing!" Kuwabara insisted, "Keep your big mouth shut!"  
  
It took a good ten minutes for the group to calm down after Kuwabara's outburst.  
  
"Shame, shame, you know your name," Botan giggled, pulling off a perfect kitty-face. "It's not nice to lie during truth or dare. Time to suffer the consequences!"  
  
"Consequences?" Kuwabara looked baffled.  
  
"You have to remove an item of clothing," Raven explained.  
  
"Hey, no one said this was STRIP truth or dare!" Kuwabara cried, shocked.  
  
"Is there any other kind?" Leo asked.  
  
"Fine..." Kuwabara began removing his left sock.  
  
"Not your sock, you great oaf, your shirt!" Botan blurted.  
  
"Well, gee, Botan, I never knew you thought about me that way," Kuwabara muttered as he pulled his shirt off over his head.  
  
[The beta-reader winced and went in search of aspirin.]  
  
"Keiko, truth or dare," Kuwabara said, once the world had recovered from the migraine headaches caused by seeing his chest.  
  
"Truth," Keiko chose.  
  
"No! Darn, I didn't have a truth for you. Oh well. Uh... Have you and Yusuke ever made out?"  
  
Keiko blushed. "Yes..." she muttered bashfully.  
  
There was a collective "Ooooohhhhhh" from the group.  
  
Keiko continued blushing. "Leo, truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare," Leo said with a familiar narrowing of her eyes.  
  
"Describe your idealistic boyfriend." Keiko smiled in triumph.  
  
Leo looked as if she'd just been told to commit suicide. "WHAT?!"  
  
"You scared, Leo?" Raven taunted, "Could that be because maybe your ideal boyfriend could be listening right now???"  
  
"I'm not scared and you can't goad me like that," Leo snapped. She stood up, cleared her throat, tilted her head to the side and clasped her hands in front of her. In a girlish falsetto voice she began:  
  
"Mein Mann ist SO gutaussehend. Er ist sehr geheimnisvoll. Er hat stachelige schwarze Haare. Mein Mann hat drei Augen; zwei rote und eine violette. Er is nicht so gross, aber er ist sehr sehr wunderschon. Ich leib mein Mann." She finished by rolling her eyes faunishly in a direction none of the group could follow.  
  
Raven whistled between her teeth, then gave a loud whoop. "You go, girl! Tell 'em like it is!!!"  
  
"Oh go die, Raven," Leo blushed, sitting down.  
  
The rest of the group looked confused.  
  
"What was that?!" Yusuke burst, "German?"  
  
"Actually, yes," Leo grinned. "Truth or dare, Hiei?"  
  
"Not playing," came the half-shouted response from the kitchen.  
  
"Truth or dare, Hiei?" Leo asked, more loudly and through partially gritted teeth.  
  
Hiei moved to a part of the kitchen counter where he could see into the living room. "Dare."  
  
Leo's face split into a grin. "I knew you'd choose that. Okay. I dare you to cross all three of your eyes."  
  
Hiei exploded in rage. "That is the most undignified-"  
  
"Keep it down," moaned Kurama from within his nest, which somehow had gained a notebook-paper sign reading "Fortress of Solitude".  
  
"Do it, Hiei, or suffer the consequences," Leo threatened.  
  
"Consequences my third eye; as if taking off my shirt were much of a consequence," Hiei shot.  
  
"It wouldn't be," Leo smiled, "that's why you'd have to take off your pants."  
  
Hiei glowered and slowly undid his headband, pausing for dramatic effect as his third eye opened.  
  
"Cut the cheese, Demon Boy, and get on with it," Leo snapped.  
  
Hiei glared at her, knowing at that moment he could easily kill everyone in the room, and probably destroy the house and the entire city block if he wanted to. Instead, he gave a resigned sigh and turned all three eyes to focus on the part of his face right between his eyebrows. The room, as expected, exploded in laughter.  
  
"That- that- oh my gosh- that was- dammit!" Yusuke warbled, pounding a fist on the coffee table.  
  
"Come see Hiei, the amazing triple-cross-eyed midget demon! Hurry hurry hurry!" Kuwabara roared with laughter.  
  
"Go die," Hiei muttered in imitation of Leo, re-tying his headband.  
  
"All right, Hiei, choose the next victi- I mean, choose the next person to go," Botan smiled, a laugh still fighting to escape.  
  
"Raven," Hiei said in a slow and sinister way that made Raven want to run screaming from the room, "truth or dare?"  
  
Knowing Hiei would most likely try to unearth her deepest, darkest secrets, or expose her innermost fantasies, Raven was faced with a choice. What did she chose? Well, duh. "Dare,"  
  
Hiei cackled in a way that just happened to be maniacal. "In that case, Raven..." again Raven wanted to flee, "...Why don't you demonstrate one of those interesting dances they've been teaching you at that 'studio'?"  
  
Raven squeaked. "I promised not to let this game get out of hand!"  
  
"Now, Raven, you can handle this!" Leo cheered, "You're the Almighty Author! This is just the simple decision between sa'sara and tiganza! Go tiganza!"  
  
Raven smiled suddenly. "Tiganza, eh? You brought it then?"  
  
"Course I did," Leo said, holding up a white cassette tape. "Botan, where's the stereo?"  
  
Botan pointed the stereo out to Leo, who popped the tape in. "Ready?"  
  
Raven pulled off her baggy white eyelet-lace blouse to show her skin-tight undershirt. She tied the poet's blouse around her waist and took up a relaxed position in the middle of the living room with her arms foreword and head tilted back. "Ready."  
  
The music started, and Raven swayed. Tiganza. The name of a particular type of belly-dance only heard of by fans of the books she read as a summer project. It was most likely the most decent thing she knew how to dance without ballet slippers ad a tutu, and she was positive that even that was sure to make someone's nose bleed.  
  
Around the room she swayed and stepped, her gaudy jewelry jingling its purpose as she wove the Tinker's dance. Hiei was a sick little man to ask her to dance this, but the fact was, she more or less enjoyed showing off.  
  
The music drew to a close, and everyone was silent. Raven was aware of a pair of bright green eyes watching her from the Fortress of Solitude, and she grinned inwardly.  
  
"I sit down now," she muttered foolishly, a fierce blush rushing into her face now that the dance was done. "Truth or dare, Kurama?"  
  
The eyes retreated back into the shadows of the Fortress of Solitude.  
  
"We know you're not dead in there, now you'd better answer!" Raven called.  
  
"Truth,"  
  
"So what really happened to give you that hangover?" Raven smiled broadly as the Fortress seemed to draw in on itself.  
  
"I've never been so embarrassed as then," Kurama muttered.  
  
"That's not answering my question," Raven sang.  
  
No reply.  
  
"Kurama?"  
  
Suddenly a red-and-green flannel pajama shirt was dropped out of the Fortress of Solitude.  
  
"Chicken," Leo's famous line for truth or dare was stated a second time.  
  
"Oh well," Raven muttered. "I'll just have to choose someone else. Yusuke, truth or dare?"  
  
"Dare."  
  
Leo and Raven exchanged glances, perhaps communicating through whatever weird telepathic link co-authors share. "Yes?" Raven asked.  
  
"By all means," Leo grinned.  
  
"Okay," Raven's face split into a grin as well. "Yusuke, do your best possible imitation of Jin."  
  
"Huh?" Yusuke looked confused.  
  
"Windmaster Jin! You know the guy. Do an imitation of him," Raven repeated.  
  
Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Well, this I've never tried..." he cleared his throat. "Yeracrazyman, Urameshi! Yedon't make bombsgoboom inyerface!"  
  
The Authors nearly screamed with laughter. "That was so right-on!" Leo whooped.  
  
"You sounded just like him!" Raven squealed, slapping her knee.  
  
"Yeah, whatever," Yusuke muttered. "Truth or dare, Botan?"  
  
"Mmmm, dare," Botan trilled after a moment.  
  
Yusuke smiled half-sinisterly. "Go into the kitchen on hands and knees meowing like a cat, and keep it up for five minutes."  
  
Botan hesitated. "What're the consequences if I don't?"  
  
"Your shirt," Yusuke replied.  
  
Botan's face fell, and she wished she had worn an undershirt. "Okay, I'll do it... But you all have to be quiet until I'm done, okay?"  
  
There was a general "yeah, whatever" from the group, and Botan got down on her hands and knees and kitty-walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Meow?"  
  
Hiei looked down at her from his perch on the counter, but said nothing.  
  
"Meooow?"  
  
Hiei continued to stare at Botan. He looked away after a moment, deciding she was harmless and tapping a finger against the timer on the coffee-pot in annoyance at how long it took to brew de-caff.  
  
Botan sat back on her haunches and began washing her face. "Mrrrrowr?"  
  
The coffee continued to take ages to brew.  
  
Botan stood up on all-fours again and proceeded to jump onto the counter in the approved cat-like fashion. She leaned in by Hiei's face, sniffing curiously. "Prrrrt?"  
  
"I hope you know I hate cats," Hiei stated without blinking. "I don't care how much they resemble humans; I still hate them."  
  
Botan continued to sniff at Hiei, then turned and curled up for a little nap, purring the whole time. A stifled snigger came from the living room.  
  
"In fact," Hiei continued, grabbing the back collar of Botan's shirt as a vet would grab a cat by the scruff of the neck, "in my opinion, cats should stay outside where they can run out into traffic and make nice bloody streaks on the road." With that, he dragged Botan off the counter with him, pulled her across the linoleum, opened the back door, and threw her down the steps.  
  
"And that's that," he muttered, dusting his hands as he walked back to the counter.  
  
There was a nervous pause, then...  
  
"Mrrrrrowwwr?"  
  
Botan pawed at the back door.  
  
"MRRrrrowr?"  
  
Hiei checked the timer on the coffee-pot again.  
  
There was a sudden crash as Botan jumped from a garbage can lid onto the sill of the screen-less kitchen window. She stalked back across the counter to Hiei, glared for a moment, then bent her head and bit him hard on the wrist. He had her by the throat in an instant.  
  
"And that's time!" Yusuke called as his watch beeped the five-minute mark. "Okay, Hiei, let her go."  
  
Hiei grudgingly loosened his grip on Botan's neck, and the girl fled back into the living room where she knew she'd be safe from everything but the sight of a shirtless Kuwabara.  
  
There was an awkward pause. "Raven, truth or dare?" Botan said to fill in the silence.  
  
"Are you people picking on me or something?" Raven complained. "Dare, so long as there's no more dancing."  
  
"Poke Kurama; I think he's asleep," Botan pointed at the Fortress of Solitude.  
  
Raven quirked an eyebrow. "That's my dare?"  
  
"You betcha."  
  
Raven shrugged and made her way over to the couch. Scarcely breathing, she poked a finger hesitantly in-between the pillows.  
  
There was a loud crunch.  
  
"OWWWWWWW!!!!!" Raven screamed, yanking her finger out. Her eyes began to tear up.  
  
"What happened?!" Keiko asked, worried.  
  
"He BIT me!" Raven screeched. "He bloody flaming bit me! The guy has fangs, too, I tell ya!"  
  
Yusuke, Shizuru, and Kuwabara cracked up, throwing their heads back and roaring with laughter. Botan, on the other hand, sat firmly right on top of the pile of pillows in hopes of smothering Kurama.  
  
There was a muffled scream and much thrashing, the blankets finally being kicked off and Kurama wiggling, shirtless, out from under the pillows. This only made the three laughing fall over backwards, gasping for mercy.  
  
Kurama's eyes widened and he snatched the blanket back around himself, a fierce blush spreading into his face.  
  
Leo grinned. "Well, that was worth it, eh, Raven?"  
  
Raven squeaked, covering her ears to hide her equivalent of a blush. "I saw Kurama's abs!"  
  
"Oh sheck it; you'd freak out over anyone's abs," Leo muttered.  
  
"It would be nice to be able to sleep without being the object of so many dares," Kurama muttered, re-assembling the Fortress of Solitude, which was now somewhat squished from Botan sitting on it. He only buried himself up to his chin, however, stating that "So long as I'm awake, I may as well be ready to defend myself."  
  
"Why don't we call a break, Botan?" Keiko suggested. "I think we all need a little breathing time."  
  
"Good idea," Botan replied. "All right, everyone! Ten minute break and then we resume play!"  
  
***************  
  
And now a note from our sponsor!!!  
  
What am I talking about; we don't have a sponsor.  
  
This chapter certainly turned out longer than expected *^.^* Sometimes I wonder if it's really that bad for me to stay up until 11:00 every night working on this...  
  
Review review review! If you want chapter 3 my review total must be up to 10!  
  
And as a final note: Would the person who stole Raven's sanity pills please return them at the front office? Thank you.  
  
Leo: I don't know German! If anyone wants to know what I said for my dare, you'll have to e-mail Raven.  
  
LEO! I KNOW YOU STOLE MY KURAMA DOLLY!!!  
  
Leo: *sniffles, clutching her Hiei dolly and running out of the room* Nooooooo!  
  
YOU JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU- HIEI WILL BE MINUS A FEW LIMBS!!!  
  
Leo: NOOOoooo!!!! *cries* 


	3. A Triple Espresso with Whipped Cream and...

Botan's Birthday Bash!  
  
A/N: Here it is! Sorry it's so late! You probably all hate me now. *Hands out cyber-chocolates to make up for it* Thank you, Blue MagicInc, for the dare idea; however, I think we should let sleeping Kuramas lie for now, don't you? I think he's been poked and sat on enough for one night. You know what? I think somebody finally returned my sanity pills and I came to the realization that for me, Kurama is not exactly the perfect match.  
  
Disclaimer: It's chapter three; you should already know I don't own any part of this freak show. I mean, come on. You think I have enough money to feed the Hiei? I shut up now *bows and sits down*  
  
Botan's Birthday Bash! Chapter Three: A Triple Espresso with Whip Cream and Mocha Sprinkles  
  
"Here, Kurama, I brought you some de-caff."  
  
Kurama graciously accepted the mug offered to him by Raven.  
  
"Leo kick you out of the kitchen, Hiei?" Yusuke asked with a mouth full of birthday cake.  
  
Hiei glared from his perch on the back of the couch. "She's up to no good," was all he said.  
  
"I think the ten-minute break is almost over, isn't it?" Keiko asked, checking her watch.  
  
At that moment, Leo came slowly out of the kitchen, carrying a huge metal thermos with white froth on the top.  
  
"What the heck is THAT?!" Raven squeaked as Leo sat down on the rug, being careful not to spill.  
  
Leo's eyes glittered. "A triple espresso with whip cream and mocha sprinkles."  
  
Hiei tensed visibly.  
  
"Um...right. Let's start the game again, shall we?" Botan suggested.  
  
"Whose turn was it?" Kuwabara asked, helping himself to another slice of birthday cake.  
  
"It was mine," Raven informed them. "Now, hmm...ah. Truth or dare, Kuwabara?"  
  
"Uh, dare."  
  
"Good. Put the shirt back on," Raven responded, and the rest of the group muttered agreement.  
  
"Oh, sure," Kuwabara grumbled, pulling his shirt back on, "NOW you want the shirt back on. I knew you all would've been happier with the sock."  
  
"I'm not going to comment on that," Shizuru muttered over her coffee cup.  
  
"Truth or dare, Leo?" Kuwabara asked.  
  
"Dare," Leo said through the whip-cream atop her triple espresso.  
  
Kuwabara smirked mischievously.  
  
"Oh no," Shizuru muttered.  
  
"I dare you..." Kuwabara paused for suspense, "...To go kiss Hiei."  
  
Leo choked on her espresso. "WHAT?!"  
  
Hiei fell off the back of the couch. "WHAT?!"  
  
"That's enough!" Raven said, standing up. "We can't trust her to do that!"  
  
"Aw, come on," Kuwabara complained, "We can pull her off him if anything goes wrong..."  
  
"Maybe you should just shut up, Kuwabara," Yusuke said.  
  
Leo blushed, setting her espresso down as Hiei hauled himself back up to his perch. Hiei gave her a wary look as she came closer. In response, Leo leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Hiei simply sat there in shock.  
  
"They didn't say how I had to kiss you," Leo muttered as she returned to her seat.  
  
"I'm going back to the kitchen," Hiei mumbled, walking out of the room and still seemingly in shock.  
  
"I think you scared him, Leo," Raven stated.  
  
Leo took a large gulp of espresso and ignored her friend. "Truth or dare, Botan?"  
  
"Um, truth?" Botan asked nervously.  
  
"Has your cooking ever made somebody sick?" Leo smiled overtop her caffeine thermos.  
  
"I'll have you know it hasn't!" Botan announced. "Truth or dare, Hiei?"  
  
"Will you just leave me the hell alone?!" Hiei yelled from the kitchen. "Truth."  
  
"Do you ever... fantasize about girls?" Botan twiddled her fingers innocently.  
  
"I fantasize about ringing certain girls' necks; does that count?"  
  
Botan took the hint and decided that answer was perfectly okay.  
  
At that moment, Raven poked Leo in the ribs. Leo "eeped" and then glared at Raven. "What? You nearly made me spill my espresso."  
  
Raven looked around quickly. "We're already late. Dad's gonna freak."  
  
Leo looked at her watch. "Ooops." She then looked back at the group. "Uh, sorry guys... We have to leave. See ya!" Grabbing Raven's wrist, Leo ran for the door as if in an attempt to invert time according to her speed.  
  
The door closed with a click.  
  
"They left..." Kuwabara muttered in shock.  
  
"I never thought they'd leave..." Yusuke added.  
  
"WHOOOO!!!!" Kuwabara punched at the air in triumph. "Freedom!"  
  
It was at that moment everyone realized that Hiei was no longer on the kitchen counter. All glanced around worriedly before seeing a hand protruding from behind the easy chair and creeping in the direction of Leo's abandoned espresso.  
  
There was a collective cry of, "NOOOOOOOOO!" from the group as all (except Yukina and Kurama of course) made a movement to tackle either Hiei or the drink- whichever would keep the demon from getting more caffeine. This proved a mistake, of course; have you ever seen a five-person living-room pile-up? Let's just say that Botan never DID get that stain out of the rug.  
  
************  
  
Hehehe...it was a shortie...DON'T KILL ME! Please review and tell me your suggestions for later chapters.  
  
Self-insertion is bad. I apologize to all of you; I have caused you pain. I should have just left the first chapter as it was and not continued this at all. Oh well. Can't help it now. Will a cyber-chocolate make it better?  
  
Anybody want the Kurama dolly I finally found? *edges away from it slowly, then pokes it with a 39-and-a-half-foot pole to make sure it isn't alive*  
  
PLEASE inspire me, readers! Review! Inspire! Review! Inspire!!! Give me new and creative ways to torture Kurama because he needs it!  
  
Review! Inspire! It's that little button down in the corner! 


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